it looks different now
in part because I know its name
which makes it both harder and easier
in a way I don't know how to navigate
but I've found my way out of darkness before

the darkness of the closet
the darkness of shame
the darkness of grief
the darkness of depression

I've found the window of light
the one I worked so hard to recognize before
it's still there, I've just lost track of it
the darkness didn't extinguish it then
the darkness hasn't consumed it now

the hard-earned light of past travail
sometimes that's the window of light to surprise you
sometimes that's a crack "that's how the light gets in"
sometimes that's what motivates you 
"to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight"
sometimes that's what reminds you the pain now won't be for 
evermore

It’s Monday night … tonight’s context for this writing during our Lectio Divina practice was Taylor Swift’s song Evermore and John O’Donohue’s blessing “For Suffering” and also the discussion that happened as we shared what we had heard in our listening that drew connections deeper and richer than I had heard on my own. I am so grateful for this community.

And yes, I’m also grateful for Canadian poet-songwriters Leonard Cohen and Bruce Cockburn.