What if …

What if...

I gave myself permission ...
  to truly rest
  to stop striving
  to accept I am enough?

The world wouldn't end
  Life would continue
    I would still be loved

What if ...

I gave myself permission ...
  to sit in silence
  to be still
  to breathe?

The world wouldn't cease turning
  Sounds would continue
    I would still be enough

What if ...

I gave myself permission ...
  to savour each moment
  to revel in the joy
  to embrace the sorrow?

The world would continue on
  Life would still happen
    I would be able to sit with those things

What if ...

I gave myself permission ...
  to fully be who I am created to be
  to embrace my idiosyncracies
  to express the depth of my queerness?

The world would still have space for me
  Life would be richer
    I would continue to find those who see me

With thanks to Alejandro, TJ, Sarah and Josh for creating and facilitating the beautiful online contemplative spirituality retreat – Sacred Rest: An Invitation to Sabbath and Renewal – where I had space to ask these questions.

Thanks as well to Joanna for ensuring the tech ran smoothly and didn’t become a distraction.

Thank you as well to the other participants. I don’t know whether any of you are likely to see this, but I’m glad all of us had this opportunity to rest together.

Tonight

two months ago
life felt different
I felt different
walking into the theatre
excited to hear the music of
Amy and Emily, the Indigo Girls
I knew who I was
what I was
but felt like
an interloper
not a fraud, but unsure
could I possibly belong
afraid to make eye contact
afraid someone might see me
ask questions I was
afraid to answer
yet, I felt at home
a sense of kinship
of commonality
wanting to pitch a tent
stay until the dawn came
afraid the moment
would slip away
never to return

tonight Tonight Self-Portrait
walking into the café
excited to hear the stories of
Ivan E. Coyote and S. Bear Bergman
I am confident
in my own skin
I primped, I preened
enjoying the feel of my hair
savouring each moment
dressing to please myself
open to another’s gaze
curious, ready to explore
should the opportunity arise
but on my terms
not desperately seeking
hoping the attention
of some man, any man,
would mark me as acceptable

tonight I know
I am queer
I am femme
I am enough