depression | Poeming Out

it looks different now
in part because I know its name
which makes it both harder and easier
in a way I don't know how to navigate
but I've found my way out of darkness before

the darkness of the closet
the darkness of shame
the darkness of grief
the darkness of depression

I've found the window of light
the one I worked so hard to recognize before
it's still there, I've just lost track of it
the darkness didn't extinguish it then
the darkness hasn't consumed it now

the hard-earned light of past travail
sometimes that's the window of light to surprise you
sometimes that's a crack "that's how the light gets in"
sometimes that's what motivates you 
"to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight"
sometimes that's what reminds you the pain now won't be for 
evermore

It’s Monday night … tonight’s context for this writing during our Lectio Divina practice was Taylor Swift’s song Evermore and John O’Donohue’s blessing “For Suffering” and also the discussion that happened as we shared what we had heard in our listening that drew connections deeper and richer than I had heard on my own. I am so grateful for this community.

And yes, I’m also grateful for Canadian poet-songwriters Leonard Cohen and Bruce Cockburn.

Image of a sunset at the horizon, with white text superimposed.
Text:
For Suffering by John O'Donohue
May you be blessed in the holy names of those
Who, without you knowing it,
Help to carry and lighten your pain.
May you know serenity
When you are called
To enter the house of suffering.
May a window of light always surprise you.
May you be granted the wisdom
To avoid false resistance;
When suffering knocks on the door of your life,
May you glimpse its eventual gifts.
May you be able to receive the fruits of suffering.
May memory bless and protect you
With the hard-earned light of past travail;
To remind you that you have survived before
And though the darkness now is deep,
You will soon see the approaching light.
May the grace of time heal your wounds.
May you know that though the storm might rage,
Not a hair of your head will be harmed. — Image created by Matt Nightingale

This morning when you wake May there be sunshine outside your window To remind you that the light will always return But if the sun is hidden by clouds And the sky is still gray May it feel like being hidden away Safe in your favourite blanket fort Until you choose to face the world again Whatever is outside However it feels inside May you have rested feeling held in love And even when that did't feel possible May you have rested enough To find courage to hold on another day Until even the tiniest sliver of hope Has time to grow and remind you You are not alone and you are loved

Poeming Out

Sometimes truth is best explored in poetry

Tag Archives: depression

Finding light in the darkness

For when it is dark