Tag Archives: deconstruction

Pieces

By Posted in Poetry, Written a long time ago Tagged , , Leave a comment 
selling my soul
piece by tiny piece
all in the effort
to be what someone else
wants me to be

I've stayed here
longer than I planned
commitment made
commitment must be kept
even if I didn't know the cost

piece by tiny piece
heart hardened to avoid pain
emotions shut off to avoid anger
joy lost in the midst of frustration

the end is almost here
commitement soon fulfilled
piece by tiny piece
sold not to disappoint
the ones who matter

no one see the cost
piece by tiny piece
hard won contentment chipped away
long searched for faith stretched to breaking
soon release will come
will the pieces be found again

Written May 24, 2009 during a sermon I clearly wasn’t paying attention to at the church I was attending back then, but not for much longer. I guess you could say this was the start of what would become my deconstruction story.

Faith without doubt … isn’t faith

By Posted in Poetry Tagged , , , , 1 Comment 
I remember when I wanted proof
Proof that God exists
Proof that the flood happened
Proof that Jericho's walls fell
Proof that Jesus was crucified
Proof that Jesus rose from the dead
Proof that the Jesus in scripture was historically accurate
     (I literally wrote a paper on that once upon a time)
Proof that I had been saved
Proof that I would not be damned to hell
Proof that God had called me to ministry
Proof that what I believed in faith
Was truth beyond a reasonable doubt

Until I didn't want it anymore
Until I had to let it go because I couldn't stay
Until I knew I would lose the very thing
I was holding so tightly in my clenched fists
Until I had to leave

So I threw it away
Walked deliberately far from everything 
The community where I knew how to seem like I belonged
What answers to give to show my faith
What beliefs had shaped my thinking
What boundaries had formed my world
Gone tossed aside

And chose to recreate my world
One story at a time
One belief at a time
One relationship at a time

Nowadays they call it deconstructing
I suppose that works
Except it looked more like a bulldozer
Until it didn't
Until suddenly I found myself drawn in

Drawn in to a faith which required 
No contortions of mind to create certainty
No proof just relationship
Just acceptance of being beloved
No right answers just questions
Just exploring what love looks like lived out

My fists ... unclenched
My heart ... open to learn
My beliefs ... held lightly
Because it's not about proof
It was never meant to be
It was always about faith

And faith cannot exist 
without the option for doubt

A thread from the Rev. Daniel Brereton got me thinking about how I used to want proof for what I believed. Screenshots below of that thread and his original tweet that led to the thread.

Oh, there’s also a link to the old blog that I kept during that time when I had thrown things away. I’m not really sure what to do with that space any more, but it’s still there and maybe those stories are still helpful to someone else, if you want to browse around.

We’re still there

By Posted in Lectio Divina Ponderings, Poetry Tagged , , , , Leave a comment

From Andrea Gibson’s The Definition of Love …

You can find the full text of Andrea Gibson’s poem on their substack.
... where I come from beauty is in the eye
of anyone who sees what’s missing
but can’t stop pointing to what’s still there.
If there is no definition of love yet,
I think that’s a good one.
we're still there
   despite everything
        that has been missing
              we're still there
                    that is the definition of love
                          that is the evidence of our faith

Some context is important and if you follow me on Twitter, it won’t be surprising the context includes that I’ve been listening to Flamy Grant’s song Good Day, so I couldn’t help but hear Andrea’s words with that song as an underlying soundtrack during the Lectio Divina practice of the Monday Night Contemplative Spirituality Group I’m part of.

If somehow you haven’t heard Good Day yet, have a listen. You won’t regret it.

You can find the lyrics for Good Day on Flamy Grant’s Bandcamp page … and download the song too!