holding hands with my mom
it's the way he lived
and the way he passed peacefully
from this world
 
it's weird to know he's gone
our relationship was
...
let's go with
...
complicated
...
but he was my dad
 
while he wasn't a perfect …
  father
     husband
	grandfather
    	   uncle
		son
     		   brother
			cousin
     			    teacher
				friend
				     neighbour
					follower of Jesus
 
these things I know
 
he loved with his whole heart
as unconditionally as he was able
and family,
especially my mom,
meant everything to him
 
he strove to make the world better
for those in need
he taught with every breath
and not just knowledge, compassion too
 
he sought connection
with everyone he encountered
(I used to tease him that he'd have talked to
a fence post if he thought it would've talked back;
he never disagreed.)
 
he created in many forms
from poetry to bread-making
to graphic design to woodworking
 
he trusted and believed in a God who extends
mercy and grace to all
 
I don't think either of us ever liked it
when my mom would tell us we were alike
most often in our
...
let's go with
...
tenacity
(She used to blame that trait ...
though she called it stubbornness ...
on my Dad's side,
but I'd ask if she'd ever met her own mom,
and then we'd laugh;
I'm clearly genetically predisposed.)
 
but the truth is
...
I am my father's daughter

we're different in many ways,
but, also, in many, many ways,
this apple didn't fall far
from the tree
...
and that's not a bad thing

My Dad passed away late in the afternoon on April 27, 2020. The picture with this post was taken March 21, 2020. We knew then that his time was coming to an end and he was at peace knowing that my Mom would continue to be well cared for by the amazing staff at the care home where they live.

While it’s not officially the anniversary of his death, I will always count the very early days of lockdown as the anniversary, because that’s the last time I saw him. I originally shared this on my old blog in tribute shortly after his passing, but I wanted it to have a home over here and today seem the right day to do that.

Three years ago tonight, we sat vigil, not knowing if he would make it through the night. He did and he rallied for a bit, but we know it would not be long.

I am so grateful for the staff who made space for us to come, all gowned up, and sit with my Dad and Mom that night, March 20, 2020. It’s when we said our goodbyes.